| plate full of food. |
[Jan. 21st, 2010|08:56 am] |
| [ | emo |
| |  tired | ] |
exactly a month ago,
i was enjoying Day 3 of my HK trip, Disneyland if i'm not.. :)
but a month later,
i am exhausted, very stressed, so sick of everything.
i am slogging my ass out at home.
i am not exactly physically tired, more so emotionally drained.
kids are such energy suckers, they literally suck the life out of you. argh
the cause of all?
i am covering a colleague's job, taking over her Pri 1 class.
yes, i was suppose to be a pri 1 form teacher, then deployed to be non-core teacher then now back to being a pri 1 form.
"good what! form teacher leh!!" was what ppl said..
but in reality, i am just a relief teacher.
except, a relief teacher earns $65/day and they have no admin duties to do.
oh well.
try having 30 7 year olds in a classroom, facing them the entire day, except for their daily 3 period of MT classes.
i don't have time to even pee, let alone have my recess. :(
they obviously don't know the meaning of "Wait."..they scream their requests and expects you to answer them immediately.
you find yourself repeating your instructions like 10 times and at the end of it, they forgot all about it in 3 secs.
ARGH!
they are cute, really.
but they suck the life out of you.
and i am so stressed.
taking over the class halfway, i don't know where to continue, i don't know where's their level of understanding.
i know it's just the first week, but when i realise they don't quite understand..i can't help but question myself if i am doing a good job.
sigh. :(
i feel like my plate's already full of food, yet daily it's still getting piled up with MORE food.
with the other responsibilities coming along.
oh my goodness. :(
i've been breaking down the past 2 days, crying everyday i reach home.
i am so so so so so drained. :(
i feel like giving up my tuition kid. sigh
but through it all,
i am thankful for the different ones who really cared.
colleagues that went out of their way to help me out, friends who bothered to check up on me after seeing my distressed status on fb..
church mates who helped out with my Net Rally planning..
thank you! :)
thank God for all of you really!
oh well..
i guess i should pick myself up soon.
i will walk on strong and prove it to those who thought i will probably never walk out of this alive..
i will survive. :)
somehow, somewhat..like i always do.
jia you ee ling!
(p.s. i really miss you adelene wee wee weeeee! :( sorry for crying out loud over the phone that day..but it was therapeutic.. haha! anw, i am glad you are having fun in hall! but come back soon! I MISS YOU! :( )
<3, eel. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2010|11:08 pm] |
| [ | emo |
| | tired | ] |
i'm stressed.
very stressed.
actually more drained than anything else.
will update when i have e time. :(
<3, eel. |
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| the sleep issue. |
[Jan. 14th, 2010|01:23 pm] |
| [ | emo |
| |  sleepy | ] |
like my msn nick says..
i think i have sleeping disorder, i sleep too much.
seriously, i think there's smth wrong.. haha..it's week 2 of school and i still find myself being unable to wake up, needing to doze off, taking afternoon or rather evening naps and still sleep for 5-6 hrs at night.. and yet i still feel like i am not getting enough sleep.
hahaha..i told csh this.."whenever i lie on my bed, i feel as if the bed and i are one." (hannah will laugh at this.)
and oh well.. jerry said this when i told him of my sleeping problem.. "there's nth wrong. you're just plain lazy."
maybe i really am. :P
but seeing fellow colleagues looking so fresh and awake makes me wonder if i am abnormal. hmmmm..
anw, i was faced with a situation yesterday.
it really makes me wonder.. are people's opinions and words that important?
i always tell myself i will heck care about what ppl have to say..but it's not that easy afterall huh.
once again, i was exposed to life in the office, life in the working world.
i guess i am still adapting and trying to stay happily afloat.
i'm glad things are ok now.
i hope things get better ; i guess somehow it will work out. :)
on a very random note,
i miss having adelene wee around in tampines. :(
although you dont read my livejournal you stupid best friend.
but really, now that you are staying in hall..i no longer can jio you out for jjmf and emo to you.
or simply to just jjmf with you and crap the night outta you.
:(((((
<3, eel. |
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| and so, 1 week down. |
[Jan. 8th, 2010|01:12 pm] |
| [ | emo |
| | sleepy | ] |
week one of school down.
approx 19 school weeks more to go..
in a way, i can't wait to leave and go to NIE. :)
but i guess when the time comes to leave, i will probably be saying how i can't bear to leave, blah blah blah.
oh wells.
anyways,
being at work means having little pocket of time to try to update this pathetic space.
i don't think anyone reads anymore. :(
how's school?
i'm like a pri 1 kid, trying to adjust to having to come to school.
frankly speaking, i don't think i have adjusted well yet.
i'm feeling so lethargic every single day. :(
i kinda dozed off in a meeting ytd, oops!
i don't know why, i never seem to have enough sleep!
argh!
'coz dad can't drive me to work anymore,
i have started taking bus to school in the morning. (something i have never done before since i came here last yr..)
and not just that,
i resolute to be punctual and possible early this year.
so that means, waking up way earlier than last year, just so that i can take bus to school and still be early.
very proud to say, i've been early or punctual the past week!
keep it up eeeeeeling! :D
kids are relatively fine this year.
probably because i am dealing with lower primary all the time..
PE is a big challenge.
it's very fun though! :)
who knows?
i might one day decide to really be a full fledged PE teacher!
hahaha!
imagine, the sticky stick who never passed NAPFA until JC, the girl who all PE teachers gave up hope on, decides to be a PE teacher.
it will be the joke of the century.
haha!
oh wells.
i am just so mentally drained i am babbling nonsense.
goodbye!
back to work!
<3, eel. |
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| 20(eeling)10 |
[Jan. 4th, 2010|09:55 am] |
| [ | emo |
| |  happy | ] |
2010 is MY YEAR. (think: one zero in mandarin)
hahaha..damn lame, i can't believe myself.
oh well it's back to school. (SIAN)
i can't believe how fast the holidays went by, i really wish i am still strolling around the streets of HK, not needing to care about anything, except $$. haha!
but in anycase, i am back in Sg.
HK was AWESOME. but left me broke beyond words. no words can describe the state of poverty i am in now. :(((
but still, enjoyed every bits and pieces of the trip!
i shall try to do a post on it ONE DAY. :D
in anycase..
since i am bored and have no periods now..
shall try to sum up my 2009.
2009 was a year where i learnt a lot of lessons..a year where i fell lots of times..i suffered heartaches, cried my heart out, picked myself up and continue breathing and living.
i started teaching. a path i never thought i would end up in..i thought in 2008 that in 2009 i will get adequate A's results to tide me through to NUS/NTU. but nonetheless, i end up in contract teaching.
an experience i don't know how to describe it. but definitely one which i would lump up as one of my hardships of 2009. hahahaha.. i am drained, very drained by my work...
but still, i still find little pockets of joy in the children. oh well!
2009 was also a year where i know i ain't as close to God as i should be. disappointments set in and i lost my joy. i laughed a lot lesser, genuinely smiled lesser too. i was not a happy pill anymore. :(((
but i do have things to thank God for!
2009 was the year my mum accepted Jesus! :DDDDDDDD for this, i really really really thank God for! it's awesome seeing mum attending church almost every sunday! hehe!
i spent a lot more time with my girlfriends this yr..especially with Adelene Wee Wee Wee! :) thank God for these awesome girls who never gave up on me. appreciate you girls loads ok! :)
for friends who were standing by me throughout those hard times. :) if not for all of you, i won't have stood up so quickly. haha!
now for 20(eeling)10!
yep, it's MY YEAR!
so i guess it'll be better! :)
am determined to be the happy pill i am suppose to be!
am determined to get back to where i ought to be with Jesus!
am determined to finish up the last 6 months of my contract teaching well, to put in the best i should!
am determined to continue loving the people God placed in my life!
am determined to live life well and love myself! :)
and,
not to forget.
I TURN 21 THIS YEAR. :D
old, but who cares! haha!
<3, eel. |
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